Edwina Currie: You epitomise everything that is wrong with politicians

My gawd, will Edwina Currie shut her flippin’ cake hole!

She was reading the papers on BBC Breakfast this morning – right now, in fact – and she really is the embodiment of everything that people hate about politicians….and Tories.

When talking about her opponents or the misfortunes of her opponents she is SMUG. She revels in their misfortune and gloats about her own party’s fortunes.

This is the reason that I don’t like Cameron: he is smug.

We don’t want to see politicians acting like 5 year olds. One of the characteristics we hate in others is smugness and revelling in other’s misfortunes. And, it is 100 times worse when it is a politician – or your Prime Minister – who is doing it.

So, Edwina, your conduct today, as always, is putting people off voting Tory, and putting people of voting at all.

So, shut your mouth until you learn some manners and how to conduct yourself in public.

You are everything that a spokesperson should not be.


Muthafuckin’ BBC….I HATE you!

So, I’m in my second pissing contest with BBC complaints in a year.


The context: On the 5th January, BBC Breakfast did a piece on how we are all eating too many calories. To start the piece, they sent a journalist into a shopping mall to interview people about how many calories they think they should be eating a day. They then whipped out their online BMR calculator to show them all how silly they were and what a bunch of porkers they are for eating too many calories a day. You could clearly see the BMR calculator on the journalist’s tablet: it even said BMR and the number in bold capitals.


The problem? BMR is your base metabolic rate, not calorie intake. To calculate calorie intake you have to put that number into the Harris Benedict Equation. Even if you are a lard ass that sits in front of your computer all day like me and gets no exercise you still have to multiple the BMR by at least 1.2 to get calorie intake.


So, BMR IS NOT calorie intake.


The piece was, therefore, misleading to say that they are the same thing.


Why is this important?


For the people being interviewed they have left that mall thinking that they are eating far too many calories and may cut right back to what was suggested by the BMR calculator. For the viewers, they may go and try to calculate it themselves. While some website state that you need to then use the HB equation, many do not.


The ramifications? Malnutrition. Organ damage. Osteoporosis. Extreme dieting. Eating disorders. Death.


So, I complained.


What did I get in response?


“We understand you feel this programme gave misleading information on the number of calories people require as it didn’t take into account the Harris Benedict Equation.”


FEEL? Wha? It WAS! You said that BMR IS calorie intake!


The whole BBC complaints system is based on trying to brush you off at the first point by making out that the problem is that you are overly sensitive and they’ve done nothing wrong. If that doesn’t work, then they try to pound you into submission by giving you the run around until you give up. At the most, you get a final “sorry” but they will not admit that they have ever done anything wrong and they never do anything about it.


I would boycott paying my TV license if I could but the BBC cannily have the law on their side so that no-one can protest the disgrace that the BBC have become.

Pluck my eye balls out and call me the devil

I am in hell.


And literal.


I am marking undergraduate course work.

I can feel the waves of your sympathy through the wifi….

I put together a very unique assignment which means that plagiarism is zero. Unfortunately, because Wikipedia isn’t any use for this assignment I’ve had to wade through dirge and shite for the past month.

I seriously considered hiri kiri. Edward II’s hot poker was looking like an option for a while. I was even thinking the Gunpowder plotters had a less painful ending than what I was experiencing.

I may even have been mesmerised by the imperfectly formed turds swimming past my eyes.

If only students would READ THE FLIPPIN’ QUESTION and stop vomiting lecture notes back onto the page to submit for marking.

To think, in 7 months these people will be graduates.

January is the last chance to rectify this imminent error and rig the basement in the exam venue with some sticks of dynamite….


Otherwise, they were a great class!

It’s my right to be ill at the weekend!

Yes, guys and girls, your weekends are not actually your days off. They are legitimate work days and you are all skiving.

So says the Government.

For the first time in my life I had to fill out a self certificate for illness. I was off ill for 6 work days.

But, apparently, not so.

According to the law, I was actually off for 8 days, which means an unnecessary trip to the GP to sign me back.

See, it is based on calendar days, not work days.

In effect, they are saying that your weekend off is legitimate work days.

So, it isn’t actually a self certificate for 7 days illness, it is actually for 5 days.

Perhaps those that are actually really ill might be able to get an appointment with their GP at some point before 2 weeks that everyone gets quoted by the receptionist if 7 day self certificates were actually for 7 work days.

What a complete colossal waste of everyone’s time.

And, Mr Cameron, my weekends are my own to spend how I choose. We should all rise up in a Red Army revolution and reclaim our weekends.

Play the REF song lyric game….

As I’m in the middle of marking and the thought of sticking chips in ketchup up me nose seems like a good idea right now, I started thinking about how you can replace key words in songs with “REF”.


For example, take the 90s anthem of mediocrity “Return of the Mac” by someone whose name I have repressed. I’ve changed “Mac” to “REF”. It doesn’t actually change the song in any way and, at the same time, is almost like this pop wannabe foretold the appearance of the REF nearly 20 years before it occurred:


Oooooh, come on, ooh yeah


Well I tried to tell you so (yes I did),

But I guess you didn’t know,

As the saddest story goes,

Baby, now I got the flow,

‘Cause I know it from the start,

Baby, when you broke my heart,

That I had to come again,

And show you that I’m with.


You lied to me,

All those times I said that I loved you,

You lied to me,

Yes, I tried, yes, I tried,

You lied to me,

Even though you know I’d die for you,

You lied to me,

Yes, I cried, yes, I cried.


Return of the REF,

It is,

Return of the REF,

Come on,

Return of the REF,

Oh, my god,

You know that I’ll be back,

Here I am.



Return of the REF,

Once again,

Return of the REF,

Top of the world,

Return of the REF,

Watch my flow,

You know that I’ll be back,

Here I go.


So, I’m back up in the game,

(Running things like my swing),

Lettin’ all the people know,

That I’m back to run the show,

Cause what they didn’t know was wrong,

And all the nasty things you’ve done,

So, baby, listen carefully,

While I sing my comeback song.


You lied to me,

Cause she said she’d never turn on me,

You lied to me,

But you did, but you did,

You lied to me,

All this pain you said I’d never feel,

You lied to me,

But I do, but I do do do.


Return of the REF,

It is,

Return of the REF,

Hold on,

Return of the REF,

Don’t you know,

You know that I’ll be back,

Return of the REF,

Oh, little girl,

Return of the REF,

Once more girl,

Return of the REF,

Up and down,

You know that I’ll be back (round and round).


Ahhhhhh SuperStarTM

Stop worrying about your big break


You lied to me,

Cause he said she’d never turn on me,

You lied to me,

But you did, but you did,

You lied to me,

All this pain you said I’d never feel

You lied to me,

But I do, but I do do do


Return of the REF.



See, there are some aspects that are rather spookily accurate…..

Judge rules: Wheelchair users aren’t equal to mams with prams

Judge over-rules previous decision that First Bus was legally required to give priority of wheelchair users over parents with buggies in accessing buses.

I think that says it all.

Another case of parents and kids coming out top, people with disabilities coming out bottom.

It’s strange. The bus driver can chuck you off for eating and drinking, smoking, causing mayhem. They can make you give you your seat to an older person or pregnant woman. But, if you are a wheelchair user?

No. You don’t count. Mams with prams can’t be made to shift themselves.

I wonder, though. What happens if the reverse situation occurs? Mam with pram can’t get on bus because a wheelchair user is already in the space?

However, I think it just highlights a major problem in this country when it comes round to equality for disabled users: Non-disabled people have to be forced to comply with the law otherwise they won’t. They scream Big Brother, they scream draconian laws, they scream bureaucracy, but when it comes down to it, for many people they have to be dragged kicking and screaming to comply.

Shame on the lot of them.

I don’t normally encourage this type of thinking, but disabled users should rise up en masse and sue every mother fucker that breaches their rights. The only thing that seems to change people’s way of thinking in this country is the thought of losing money. We should start using it against them.