The leech student

Dear student,

Recently we (and I do mean “we”) applied for funding for your PhD through internal and external funding agencies. I am emailing you to find out the results of your applications.

Let me take you back a few months…..

Who was it who designed the experiments?

Who was it who knocked your vague idea into testable hypotheses?

Who was it who went and did the reading on the topic?

Who was it who wrote the proposal?

Who was it that put together your training package? Found international collaborators? Got you visiting privileges at other universities?

Yes, you may have forgotten all of this and think of these applications as “yours” but all you did was fill in your name, email address and attach a CV.

So, why is it that I haven’t heard a dicky bird from you since the application went in?

Do you not think it is important that I also know whether you have been successful or not?

Do you think that YOU are doing ME a favour? Do you think that all academics are either desperate or believe in passing knowledge on to the next generation?

Let me assure you. Most of us would rather have a postdoc than a PhD student. I don’t think you realise that amount of time and effort that goes into making you into an independent researcher (if you are an able student) or dragging you through the process by an umbilical cord (if you are a crap one).

The least you can do is have the decency to keep me informed about the outcome.

Otherwise, if you do get funding, I may just withdraw as supervisor….

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Am I talking out of my ass?

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