Dear International Co-Investigator

Dear International Co-Investigator

Someone has actually found your research sufficiently interesting to invite you to join them in an application to a grant body.

Please note the following rules of international co-investigators:

(1) This is not a free lunch. You are actually expected to contribute to writing the proposal and all the bureaucratic paraphernalia that comes along with it.

(2) You are expected to answer emails from the Principal Investigator in a timely manner. You are also expected to answer any questions asked by the PI even the ones you’d rather not. Responding to only some questions asked, ignoring questions that actually require you to get your thumb out your ass and do something, are not acceptable CI behaviour. Answers such as “yes”, “no” and “maybe” are not answers. Neither is “LOL”.

(3) When you are asked to read over a proposal, writing “Ref?” in the comments box as your only contribution is not, actually, a contribution.

(4) If you aren’t willing to put the work in, then don’t agree to do it. Your name can always be deleted off the application.

(5) If you don’t actually care because it isn’t your funding body, then don’t agree to do it. There are enough lazy free loading twats in academia as it is without you also joining the ranks.

(6) If all of the above fail, remember: “Professor” might get you the funding, but your lazy arse will be known throughout academia and everyone else will avoid you in the future. Academia is a small world, reputations are everything.

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