Media psychologist seeks work

Dear Channel 5,

I am a “media psychologist” looking for work.

I have an undergraduate degree in psychology but no further training that would allow me to make sharp and insightful critiques of research studies other than what I find in the concluding paragraph of a General Discussion (but you aren’t looking for that, are you *cough* Big Brother *cough*). However, I sound confident and can con the public into thinking I know what I’m talking about even when I’m talking out my arse. I can be your paid-by-the-hour expert on any topic on human behaviour. Whether it be angry drivers, potty training, sleep disorder, or offenders, I’m your “media psychologist”.

I have a £800k house to pay for, a growing family, and a floundering career. As no-one with a respectable job in academic psychology would ever lower themselves to work with Channel 5/soft porn channel, I am confident that I can con you into offering me a job.

Best wishes,

“MP”

PS. I’m available for multiple shows/topics

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