Why is it that some grown children continue to act like they are still 12 years old with their parents?
Ask yourself: when do I get in contact with my parents? Is it to ask how they are, can I help with anything, how are things going, what have you been doing with yourself, how are you feeling? Or, instead, to spend the entire conversation talking about yourself, your woes, how you are unhappy, how things aren’t working out, and, oh, can I borrow some money/car/power tools?
Parents actually like it if they can talk about what they’ve been up to to. This is apparently a complete revelation to some grown children.
Once you’re leading your own independent life, it is time for the parent-child relationship to change, to mature. You are on more equal footing now. Your parents can’t tell you what to do or how to live your life. But with that bonus, means that you need to be invested in their life. Another way of looking at it is like this: they’ve done their job. It is not their job for the next 40 years to be your personal therapist. And, how do you think they feel hearing ad nauseum how unhappy, how unsatisfied you are. They must feel really great about themselves!
Relationships between grown children and their parents is a dynamic thing, it is always in flux. Especially when they are starting to get older you need to make sure that you are asking them all the questions I’ve outlined above, and that way you can keep on the look out for subtle changes that may indicate a problem.
So, it’s a two way street. Contact with your parents is not just about you and what you need. But, basically, it is just about being a NICE person.
So, next time you phone your ma, ask her how she is!