Pray tell, what exactly is so interesting on your mobile phone?

Have you ever had the pleasure of some twat talking on their mobile phone walk into you or ‘give you the shoulder brush’? Had to listen to inane drivel on a bus….’yeah, I’m on the bus. I’m bored. I can see trees…and people talking on their mobiles. Bye. *dial* yeah, I’m on the bus….’

Have you ever seen someone nearly get mowed down by a car after walking into the road without looking as they are too busy talking on their mobile phone?

Played dodge ‘ems on the street with an endless parade of wankers all talking on their mobiles?

If you live anywhere in the western world, you will have. And you probably experienced it today, and yesterday, and the day before.

Is this what we have to look forward to? Everyone looking down at their texts while simultaneously doing something inappropriate, or yacking into thin air about complete irrelevancies?

Is there really something so important going on in your life that it couldn’t wait 15 mins until you were at home and could phone….preferably on a land line?

A lecturer wrote into THE last year and mentioned how he deals with students texting during lectures….’is your crotch really so amusing?’

As you can gather, I don’t like mobiles. I don’t understand the urgency that requires everyone to phone *right now* rather than waiting for a more appropriate time, preferably in private. I don’t want to hear about your porn addiction or dressing your cat up like Kermit the Frog. I don’t want to have to dodge you on the high street because you are reading a text.

And what is so damn interesting on a mobile that someone can stare down at it for an hour on a bus, with their head nodding up and down like a Tory politician?

I think the thing that really finished me off was last year I saw a women with a toddler and a push chair walking along the pavement of a main road, reading her texts. Her toddler ran ahead and ran into the road. If it wasn’t for the nice elderly gentleman who wasn’t reading his texts scooping her up and putting her back on the pavement the toddler would have been flatter than a pheasant on a country road.

Think how much of the world you are missing while you are reading your 100th text of the day about Made in Chelsea or reading Richard Madeley’s twitter account about wiping his arse.

And, if you don’t, then don’t complain to the nice bus driver when you miss your stop and end up in Southwark….


EDIT. I had the pleasure yesterday of waiting behind a woman with a pushchair getting money out of an ATM at ASDA while texting. Ten seconds texting….1 sec looking at ATM…..20 secs texting…..1 sec looking at ATM


Am I talking out of my ass?

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